It’s (almost) impossible to live without at least one source of social media these days, especially for people looking to network, search for a job, or maintain an online portfolio of their work. Social media keeps us connected to our professional world and opens the door to new opportunities.
But there are no rules about how to put — or not to put — your relationships online. Social media encourages us to constantly share our best moments, which often include our partner, but oversharing can lead to the aforementioned slew of problems: jealousy triggers, peer pressure, relationship anxiety, and a host of other stressors.
Thinking about promoting your partnership on Instagram, or even responding to messages from the hot stranger who thinks your selfies are sexy? I suggest you think twice, and here's why.
SOCIAL MEDIA WILL NOT HELP YOU SOLVE YOUR JEALOUSY ISSUES.
For the past ten years, I have been in a serious relationship with a man who despises all forms of social media. He doesn't use any platforms; honestly, not one. (And he hates social media so much that I have no idea he's using it behind my back.)
I never realized how stressful social media was until I finally lived with a partner who didn't use it.
I no longer had to read Facebook notifications telling me that my boyfriend’s ex had once again left him an overtly sexual and uncomfortable comment (a true story from a previous relationship, but that’s for another day). I no longer had to worry about a complete stranger getting the wrong idea from an overly friendly boyfriend who just liked to chat and make friends online. I no longer had to stress that the woman who was making doe eyes at my man at a friends party would try to become his “friend” and flirt with us.
Social media stopped me from working on my jealousy and anxiety issues because it pointed them out to me every day.
You might be thinking, “Even if your current boyfriend uses social media, these jealousy issues are YOUR fault, not his!” And you wouldn’t be wrong. But why add more opportunities for heartbreak, anxiety, and arguments to your relationship? It’s hard enough to manage your relationship mental health without social media adding to the strain.
YOU WILL REDUCE JEALOUSY OVERALL WHEN NO ONE IS FLIRTING ON THEIR CELL PHONE.
Whether we like it or not, and often whether we work on ourselves or not, jealousy always creeps into most of our relationships at one point or another.
If you are in a romantic and sexual relationship - and this applies to monogamists, polygamists, and anyone with one or more partners - you will encounter situations in your real life, in person, that will trigger feelings of jealousy in one or both of you (or more). People who never feel even the slightest hint of jealousy are, dare I say, pretty rare.
You can rarely eliminate jealousy triggers from your real life, but you can absolutely eliminate them from your online life. Forget about social media behaviors that can lead to unwanted advances—or ignore social media altogether!—and you’ve just eliminated a HUGE pressure point in your relationship.
It’s up to you and your partner to decide how to manage your respective accounts if you decide to keep them. Don’t limit your social media use to the point where it feels unfair, restrictive, or controlling. Talk to both partners about changing things for the benefit of the whole to avoid any resentment.
Personally, this is what I do: My personal account is set to "private" and I severely limit the number of people I allow to follow me. If you slide into my DMs even once, you are immediately deleted.
I rarely post selfies, and when I do, I don't post anything "sexy." (While I wish the world would allow women to have a sexual appearance without assuming they're looking for sex, I know there's a long way to go before that becomes the norm, and I'd rather avoid unwanted attention and flirting. I also think it's unfair to my long-term partner.)
I do not respond to direct messages from strangers on my personal account, and I only respond to work messages or messages from known colleagues on my work account.
Nowadays, when someone comments on one of my personal photos, it's usually someone I know and trust, like an old high school classmate, a close coworker, or a mutual friend of my boyfriend and I.
YOUR FRIENDS, FAMILY AND FOLLOWERS ARE OBLIGED TO MINDS IN THEIR BUSINESS.
Jealousy aside, posting your entire life online can create, at best, unpleasantries and, at worst, serious problems that have nothing to do with people following you in an overly flirtatious manner.
There's really no need for everyone who follows your account to know everything you do and everywhere you go. The only way to get family, friends, and strangers to mind their own business is to not constantly share yours.
Most of us have, for example, that family member who can't help but comment on our recent vacation photos, asking how we can afford a trip when we're struggling at work right now, or that friend who can't help but give unsolicited advice on our posts, even though we've made it clear that we just need to vent.
Now your mom is on the phone wondering what you did to upset Aunt Karen, or your best friend is sending you long text messages, wondering why you didn't tell her you had a connecting flight in her city on your way to Europe.
Stop giving these people a reason to pry into your business. The only surefire way to preserve your privacy—that is, your private life—is to reduce what you share online.
The algorithm has us drooling over likes, comments, and shares, so much so that if we don’t post every minute of our lives, our moments of pleasure and joy won’t be as rewarding. Prove Mark Zuckerberg wrong and enjoy a day out or an impromptu vacation getaway without your Facebook or Instagram apps open to reveal what could be little romantic moments just for the two of you.
Take as many photos as you like, because you’ll definitely want to reminisce about these moments when you’re relaxing on the couch together later. But don’t give in to the pressure to share everything. Save some of these experiences for your closest friends and family, who can always hear about your adventures in person, on the phone or Skype, or in a private message or text chat between friends or family members.
The last thing you need is your boyfriend's nosy aunt calling his or her mom to tell her she just saw your recent Facebook post and is wondering how you missed work, or your boyfriend or girlfriend's jealous ex responding to a comment on one of your cute selfies.
The less people know, the more you can preserve your inner peace and avoid IRL drama.